Neutrality - Still Taking a Side

Elie Wiesel once said "What hurts the victim most is not the cruelty of the oppressor but the silence of the bystander." If you do not know who Mr. Wiesel is, let me briefly explain why he is famous.

He was sent to the Auschwitz death camp during the Holocaust, and had to endure the sufferings in that camp, along with witnessing his father die before him. He wrote his memories of this point in his life in a famous book entitled Night.

This blog is not about Elie Wiesel, however. It is about the subject that the above quote tackles. The subject of neutrality. Indeed neutrality has its advantages. You aren't risking yourself to much scrutiny from either side of a conflict, and you can remain in peaceful terms with the "combatants." This is the case with international politics, and is a reason why most nations have a difficult time deciding whether to enter a war or to remain neutral. It almost ends up being a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" concept. In the case of World War II, Adolf Hitler did a lot of horrible things (as you all have probably learned about) and it wasn't until the Allies stood up to him, after years of trying to remain neutral and diplomatic, and fight for what they viewed as right, where things began to turn around in Europe.

But, I want to look at things at a more personal level - a fight within two different people. Neutrality in this regard takes more of a side than in politics/history. For instance, let's say one friend (Friend A) tells the other friend (Friend B) that he/she acts like a "moron." You are going to have one of two opinions:

1 - "I agree. Friend A is acting like a moron. Finally, someone said it." or

2 - "I don't think Friend B is acting like a moron. That wasn't very nice of Friend A to say."

Now, whatever your mindset, it is important. However, it is only a half to a whole, for lack of a better phrase. If you don't follow through with your opinions, not only are you hurting the one that you agree with, you are hurting yourself for not letting your true self come out.

In the meantime, let's say you are thinking about 1, where you think Friend B is a moron. You don't tell that friend that you agree with them. You just go about things the way the used to be, but there is tension. Friend B knows that you think he/she is a moron, and the longer you wait to confront him/her about it, the greater the friction there will be.

Let's say you do not think Friend B is a moron, but you are afraid to tell Friend A about it, because you are afraid that you will lose him/her as a friend. What good does that do for Friend B, the friend who you feel was wronged? If you do not let your opinions out, you may lose Friend B since you did not stand up for him/her, and/or lose Friend A since you did not agree with him/her.

That's why I take sides. Neutrality, in a sense, is taking a side, but while hiding in your shell, or in a cave, so that nothing harms you...yet. For instance, if I was in the first situation, I'd probably tell Friend B just what I think. I'll tell him/her "you have been acting like a moron." Maybe Friend B will realize this and return to the way he once was, or better yet, change for the better. Let's say I was in the second situation. I will tell Friend A that I understand what is so moronic about how Friend B is acting. Maybe Friend A is seeing things in the wrong light, or doesn't understand where Friend B is coming from.

The result? If Friend A decides that you are wrong, and doesn't talk to you anymore, was he/she really your friend in the first place? If Friend A really thinks that true friends are the ones who always agree with them and cannot take "no" for an answer, then Friend A is in for a tumultuous life, with fake friends. You wouldn't need to hang out with someone like that anyways. If Friend A sees that he/she is wrong, then things will begin to sort themselves out. If Friend A does not agree with you, but your relationship with him/her is not affected...then that will make your friendship stronger, because your friendship endured an obstacle.

Take sides. When it's appropriate of course, but it's rarely an inappropriate time to do so. There are times when you can't help but be neutral, like when you really don't have an opinion about something. That's fine. But, if you have an opinion about something, act on it.

If not, you will end up digging a hole for the "oppressed," to use Mr. Wiesel's quote again...and a grave for yourself.

I just thought I'd close with a few quotes about friendship.

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

- Dale Carnegie, American writer (1888-1955)

"In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends."

- John Churton Collins, British literary critic (1848-1908)

"It isn't kind to cultivate a friendship just so one will have an audience. "

- Lawana Blackwell

"We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them."

- Thucydides, Greek historian (471 BC - 400 BC)

and one of my favorite American Presidential Quotes:

"'Tis better to be alone than in bad company."

- George Washington (1732-1799)